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Short Tag Line:
And now for something completely different!
I/We are looking for
That's right! I'm bi and she's not! What a concept. It's also the opposite of what you might find in a swinger couple. Typically, all of the women in the lifestyle are bi or bicurious and the men are "str8". We mix it up a little.
Another way we mix it up? We're looking for friends with benefits. Despite living here most of our lives, we don't have many friends in this area. They've all moved off to see the bright lights of the big city. Either that, or they've had kids and our lifestyles have parted. Age is not an issue, so long as we have some common ground. Since we're looking for friends as well as play partners, we need to have some kind of common interests for when we're outside the bedroom. For this reason, we're mainly looking for 20's to 40's, but if you're "young for your age" then we might still have common interests.
Discretion is one of our main concerns. We would prefer to play with couples in SW Alabama or Florida Panhandle.
Sexually, we're looking for several things:
• People willing to show patience with two newbies.
• A male partner for double penetration.
• Group sex situations - 4 or more in one bed would be ideal.
• People who are sexually open and willing to experiment.
• People who aren't hung up on body shape. My wife is just a little chubby.
• Couples with bisexual males are a plus!
Out of the bedroom, we're looking for:
• People who have compatible interests.
• People who are flexible when it comes to time constraints.
• Intelligent conversation and a sense of humor.
• Clean, hygienic and healthy.
If you contact us, please make sure your profile matches your pitch. We get emails all the time from supposedly straight single guys or couples with straight guys who want to have bisexual experiences. We like honesty, so be honest in your profile. Yes, we know it's easier to score if you don't advertise your bisexuality. Regardless, we've advertised our true preferences since 2002.
If you are a gay male looking to play with me, look elsewhere. We are a package deal. There's a reason why we've been married as long as we have. We love each other deeply and fully. No one is joined at the hip like we are.
Please don't contact us if all you have are genital pictures on your profile. We have genitals. We know what they look like. There's that thing that looks like a sausage, and the other thing which looks like one of Georgia O'Keefe's flowers. Or is it that Georgia O'Keefe's flowers look like a vulva? It's kind of like the chicken and the egg, no? Anyway, you get the picture.
Please don't contact us if you don't have any pictures at all. Yes, physical attraction is important to us. We're human. It's ok if all your pics are private, so long as you have something. No pics means you either haven't been around long or you haven't put enough effort into your profile. Neither is a mark in your favor.
Describe Yourself:
We're both very outgoing. I enjoy the outdoors, my wife less so. We both enjoy movies and eating out, but we're happy staying close to home, too. We like to shop. I also enjoy arts and crafts, gardening, astronomy and our pets. I'm an accomplished amateur chef, so I'm always trying new things in the kitchen. I'm dying to try Steak au Poivre and my bugbear is crème brûlée. I still can't manage to make it correctly, but the failed attempts seem to go over well.
She loves to read. She's a fan of public radio and Matthew McConaughey. No, seriously, she's warm for his form. She likes well-written and witty comedy, like the work of Thomas Schlame (Sports Night, West Wing, Studio 60). She devours romance mystery books, especially those with a dark edge to them. She has a memory for numbers like you wouldn't believe. She's partial to brunettes, with the exception of Mr. McConaughey.
We both love listening to music, but my tastes are a bit more eclectic than hers. I think a bluegrass version of Snoop Dog's "Gin and Juice" by The Gourds is inspired. That should tell you a little about my tastes. I tend to listen to almost every kind of music, but alternative rock is my standard. Play me The Killers, Blue October, Death Cab For Cutie or anything with Jack White in it and I'm happy. She's a big fan of vocalists such as Sarah Brightman, Charlotte Church, Eva Cassidy and Norah Jones. We both enjoy musical theatre, including Broadway shows and opera. Dressing up for a night of symphonic music is one of our treats to ourselves.
Our ideal process is to chat with someone until we develop a rapport. Once we've established bona fides and exchanged info, we would have a couple (or more) vanilla dates before we ever went to the next step of meeting at someone's home or a neutral location like a hotel. After we got to know someone really well, we might consider entertaining in our home. We have a luxury bathroom that's our retreat. It has a large soaking tub and a couples shower. We have cats and dogs, so if allergies are an issue, then we may not be the best choice.
We both love sex toys. We have a closet full of them: dildoes, vibes, lotions and creams, etc. We have some of the Liberator Shapes (look it up on Google) and even some bondage gear. We've also discovered stainless steel and glass toys. Very hot!
Although I'm bisexual, we don't rule out swinging straight. However, if you're a male and the idea of being in a sexual situation with someone who might be checking you out bothers you, then move along. I'm 100% there, and I can't turn that off. I won't pressure you, but if I'm attracted I won't pretend I'm not turned on.
We love each other dearly, and our first responsibility is always to each other. Drug/disease free. I don't even use caffeine. We don't have children, just a house full of pets.
For health reasons, we only use condoms or withdrawal for birth control; no chemicals, pills, patches, etc. If this is a problem, we're not for you.
Many people make a big deal out of kissing. I am open to kissing swing partners, but that's not a deal-breaker. My wife probably will not kiss. We are a same-room full swap couple unless it's a group situation.
Tell us about your fantasies and/or real experiences.
As a bisexual male, I'm open to just about anything. I'm a top for anal sex. That could change in the future, but it's a slow learning process. She wants double penetration, so that should let you know where she stands on anal.
We're very busy, so chatting online is something we have to set up ahead of time. If you see one of us online, it's probably me (male) and I'll chat if I have time. We have a webcam, but my wife chooses not to appear on camera in anything other than a G-rated manner. I'm a total exhibitionist online. If you see me on and you've got a webcam, hit me up and we'll see what happens.
We've tried one swingers club, and we were very disappointed in the whole scene. We've also attended one on-premises swing party, where I (male) had oral sex with four or five guys, topped one guy and had vaginal sex with one woman. My wife did not participate that night, but she had fun watching. It was enjoyable, but it was enough for me to realize that anonymous group sex isn't for me. I need more of a relationship. Have you had a more positive experience? Maybe you can share with us.
What else would you like to say, do, see, hear about or learn about.
I can't stress enough that we aren't looking for casual sex. We really want to build a relationship. Don't expect to meet us for the first time and get into our pants that night. We're not that kind of couple. Look for us elsewhere under this same nickname.
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ionsawmill
